People Who Drink Grey Goose Love the Faux Chug Move

doucheydouche

Yo, yo, yo, I’mma chug the rest of this. Here I go. I’m chugging. Really. I’m really going to do it.

SIKE!

You so thought I was going to chug it too. I even had the bottle to my mouth. Ain’t no one crazy like us playa. I mean who else would have thought of that?

Except this guy.

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And this guy.

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Oh, and this chick…

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Oh, I guess there’s a few hundred thousand people who have done the same tired, cliched, eye roll inducing photo. But we’re obviously the coolest.

Hey, James…I’m going to do it again.

Goosedouchity Rating:

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Extra douche points given for his douchey friend.

10

03 2009

If You’re Rocking a John Deere Trucker Hat and You Don’t Work on a Farm I Bet I Can Guess What You’re Drinking

douchey

Bro,  pass me that bottle of Goose. Awe shit man this sceene is hype! We’re so ballah. We must have 10, 15, maybe even 20 chicks around us who won’t be able to legally drink for another 2 – 5 years. Just more Goosey Goose for us! THAT’S JUST HOW WE ROLL PLAYA. You feeling my hat kid? I got it while my family was vacationing at our summer home in Nappa Valley. Straight farmer yo. And I know you love the V. That’s MAD deep.Yeah, life is good. We’re so pimp. Anyway, which one of these freshmen chicks do you want to roofie?

Goosedouchity Rating:

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(Points given for the fact that as douchey as the dude in the trucker hat is there’s a high possibility several of those girls probably ended up making out with each other.)

09

03 2009

People Who Wear Ed Hardy Shirts ONLY Drink the Goose

Yo Dawg, which Ed Hardy shirt you rocking tonight? My grandma just gave me a hundy for my birthday so lets roll out to the club and gets us some Goose. Then we’ll take pictures with the bottles and put it on our Facebook page because we tight like that. Ah dawg look at how crisp we look. That half tuck thing you did so people can see that your belt is Gucci was solid dawg. We’re such ballers.

Goosedouchity Rating:

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07

03 2009

The Goose Douche Must Be Stopped!

Douche bags are an interesting phenomenon. Harder to kill than Keith Richards, every generation seems to have their  archetypal douche.  In Enter text here.antiquity there was Judas, at the turn of the century it was anyone who wore a monocle, in the 80s it was dudes who drove IROCs, in the early 90s it was black guys with ridiculously tall hair, in the early 00s in was anyone with a trucker hat that wasn’t pullin’ a rig, and today it’s the Goose Douche.

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Ahhh, the Goose Douche. Both ridiculous and tragic – yet somehow not ridiculously tragic. They inhabit any bar, club, or lounge with bottle service, and take that opportunity to drop all the money they earned from their job at Staples to get a bottle of liquid opulence – Grey Goose. For the Goose Douche it has nothing to do with enjoying the taste, brand loyalty, or an other intrinsic thought – just the fact that it’s baller. They pose with what amounts to a $60 bottle of booze like it’s a Ferrari Enzo, then send the pictures out to their 16 year old Jersey trash girlfriend on their Sidekicks.

There is nothing lower on this earth than the Goose Douche.

This site is dedicated to them. Spotting them. Rating them, studying them so we can eventual learn their weaknesses. One day we will beat the Goose Douche, that much I’m sure. But until that day I’m making sure I learn their ways so that if, god forbid, judgment day comes I can be ready.

Does the fate of the free world rest in me and this blog? Obviously.

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03 2009