It’s Been a While

It’s been months since my last post and not surprisingly the rise of the Goose Douche continues unabated. Is it a coincidence – I’m afraid it’s far more than that. It’s an epidemic.

While I’ve been lax in my duties, the readers have been diligently submitting occurances of the scurge caught in action. As I wade through the sea of Erectial Disfunction spam I’ll post some of the choicer submissions. But I warn you, they aren’t pretty.

24

05 2010

I Love That Kid

douchebag grey goose Pictures, Images and Photos
I was going to leave it at the last post but after taking a second look at the search results I found this gem. Dude on the right is like a douchey golden god. He’s probably the douchiest mother fucker on the planet. I heart him so.

27

04 2009

This is a Joke Right?

ew

I haven’t posted in a while but I decided to test the douchey waters and do a quick google search for some of my peoples – this is what came up first. Thing is I can’t tell if this is a clever mockery or one of the most douchey douches ever to douche. I mean look at that smug look on it’s face. Could that be real? Could this guy in fact be that big of a douche bag? There’s really little to no way to tell, but I’m going to pretend it’s all a ruse so I don’t have to track this guy down and smack the shit out of him.

27

04 2009

A Gaggle of Douche

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Much like sorority chicks, the Goose Douche travels in large homogenous herds of similarly douchey compatriots. This is partially due to the fact that they’re typically not too bright – they don’t know many big words. By traveling in large packs they’re able to pool their limited mental resources. Similarly, the Goose Douche fears individuality. Having to contibute intelligent thought rather than group think is the reason they’re drinking the Goose in the first place. That shit’s baller. It’s just how the Goose Douche rolls.

Trying to decide the biggest douche in this picture is like trying to decide what stinks worse between poop and vomit. Sure the easy choice is the punk holding the bottle with the Zack Effron hair and popped collar, but that’s too easy. For my money it’s buddy rocking the sweater vest. He just has a look about him that screams he’d roofie his own friend’s drink so he could try to finger bang the guy’s girlfriend. Plus he’s wearing a sweater vest. Case closed.

24

03 2009

Something Is Missing Here

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For starters an explaination as to what in the fuck this all means. There are just so many questions. But one thing that was never in question is the fact you don’t see a bottle of Goose. The reason? This guy is obviously many things – a snazzy dresser, a lover of GILFs,  an American, but one thing he is not is a douche bag. Hence, no Goose. Good luck buddy. Hopefully Ethsers little yackage didn’t ruin the night.

24

03 2009

Who’s Douchier Than This Guy?

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The guy behind him for starters. His left ear is tucked into his hat. I’m serious. IT’S LITERALLY TUCKED INTO HIS FUCKING HAT!!! And it’s doubtful that was done in an ironic way. That was a conscious decision. I can only see like 20% of this guy from the side and couldn’t be more certain of this guy’s douchisity. But that’s in large part due to the fact that nothing separates the losers from the uber losers like a well placed ear tuck. That guy deserves like an entire bathtub of the Goose. A gold one. Something worthy of how that playa plays. You heard?

But that’s not to take anything away from this train wreck in the foreground. Red Bull and Vodka huh? Welcome to 2001 buddy. And what in the name of all that’s good and holy is this guy wearing? It’s like a Christianity themed Ed Hardy shirt – because no one loves the Goose Douche as much as JC?  And the kind of look-away move that can only be correctly applied by a dude rocking exceptional douchocity. This dude is ready to party – or church.

19

03 2009

Dudes Who Wear Erronious Pashminas Live for the Goose

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Hell yeah playa. You know the only thing more ballah than a bottle of Goose? TWO BOTTLES OF GOOSE! Ha, we’re such pimps. You like the pashmina right playa? Yeah, you know how I roll. It’s all about regulating body temperture through proper neck coverage. Yeah that storm trooper shirt is mad tight. Man tonight is going to be so tight. Let’s go do long division.

17

03 2009

What’s Better Than a Bottle of Goose? A Giant Bottle of Goose.

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Snazzy sweater? Check.

Levi 501s? Check.

The smug look of a serial rapist? Check.

Enormous bottle of Vodka? Check.

This dude is ready to get his date rape on. Or is this a picture of the lonliest birthday party ever? Only him and the bottle know for sure, and the Goose don’t kiss and tell.

15

03 2009

Grey Goose has the Power to Make Grown Men Cry

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Man…man…I love this shit man. I mean, I really, I really love it. I mean….awww shit man…I’m so fucking baller.

15

03 2009

Can’t Drink Legally But Can Still Accessorize

dPhoto submitted by Shaun Dog III.

I honestly don’t even know what to say here. Yeah, he doesn’t ACTUALLY have a bottle of Goose, but the belt buckle, the shirt to match the belt buckle, The other two erroneous shirts underneath the top shirt,  the pants so big they need to be held up by a  ratchet tie-down, the Sidekick hanging off his belt which one can only assume has Superman screensaver and a nearly intolerable ring tone, the smug look, the bad facial hair, the dog tag… it’s total douche-overload. This kid could write the Dummies Guide to Douchery if he was only literate – which is doubtful.

But the real coup de douche that takes this kid from a simple proletariat of Doucheland to the Prime Minister of Douchetopia is clearly his Grey Goose hat. I mean WOW. The very fact that he decided to get a Grey Goose hat made, (presumably from an Embroidery Kiosk in the mall), sets the the bar pretty high – especially considering he’s not a day older than 16. But as impressive of a feat as that is, he really takes it up a notch by coordinating his douchey 45 degree hat turn with  a calculated off-center print job that when combined actually centers the words. It’s douchily brilliant.

In honor of this kids commitment Goose Douchery I’ve decided to give him a bottle of the good stuff. Way to go playa. Keep up the bad work. G4L.

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Goosedouchity:

I can’t even rate him. This kid is setting the standard that all Goose Douches aspire to.

11

03 2009