WE HAVE A DOUCHE-OFF

Looks like we’ve got ourselves a nice old fashion douche-off.

Shortly after posting for the first time in a year, recently crowned King of the Goose Douche Jesse rebuked the honor, claiming that Alec was in fact King of the Douche.

“Alec Mackenzie—- dude in the middle is a huge douche. He was carrying a bottle of Grey Goose around with him all night long trying to pour it into girls mouths, while occasionally yelling “grey goose for days.” If this wasn’t douchey enough, Alec proceeded to fist pump while being white girl wasted, and ended up puking all over the place causing a complete mess.”

(photographic evidence below)

The gauntlet has been thrown down.

So I leave it to you – the 20 to 75 people who are somehow still visiting this site each day. Who is the douchiest Goose Douche to ever douche with Goose? Poll to the left. May the biggest tool win.

09

01 2014

DBLGG Yearly Post

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345 days since the last time I posted, and out of the blue a douchey submission comes through. This happens occasionally and I’m usually either to drunk or lazy to follow through (typically a combination). But what struck me about this submission is it was sent from the douche’s friend.

“My buddy Jesse Yuan–huge douche (the guy on the far right).”

This guy is such a douchey piece of shit that his friends sought out a site that hasn’t been posted on in a year to put his buddy on blast. And for that type of effort the team at DBLGG will take it to the next level and give your Goose Douche a crown.

Jesse Yuan, on today, Thursday January 9th in the two thousand and fourteenth year of the Lord you have officially been crowned the DBLGG King of Douche.

brutal

 

09

01 2014

Bottles and Not Quite Models

haze-las-vegas-bottle-service

Sure these chicks aren’t exactly Adriana Lima, but that’s five ones and a maybe behind Douchey McDoucherson. But rather than sealing the deal with fuck me eyes in the silver dress he grips the bottle longingly and points at a the camera, knowing full well that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and tonight in Vegas he’s going to bottle squat the Goose.

29

01 2013

The Return!

Holy shit, I haven’t posted in almost two years? Could it be that Goose Douche proliferation has been thwarted thus leaving a lack of Douche?

NO. NOT AT ALL THEY’RE FUCKING EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (With all capital letters and like a thousand exclamation points!!!)

They’re hanging out with Bradley Cooper and Harvey Weinstien

Harvey+Weinstein+Grey+Goose+Vodka+Party+Silver+rvjfa39k3FUl

And at events mixed by DJ Nitro

greygoose

And with Bobby Flay in SoHo in front of a Gooseberg

Bobby+Flay+Bobby+Flay+Grey+Goose+Host+Taste+3IdcaOUj2p3l

And at Ping Pong tournaments

Grey+Goose+Vodka+Inaugural+Blue+Door+Series+CA5bQEIEUrql

Being DJed by this guy

Grey+Goose+Vodka+Inaugural+Blue+Door+Series+65DotYmg-Qgl

Just about the only place Goose Douchery wasn’t running amok was anywhere the Jersey Shore cast went and that’s only because Devotion Vodka is apparently a thing.

550_devotion

Moral to the story being that my work isn’t done. Far from. The crusade to rid the world of Goose Douchery should, nay MUST continue. They need to be identified and studied so we can learn there ways. We must mock and deride. And hopefully one day my children, and my children’s children will live in a world free from vodka with a visually offensive core consumer. That is my vow. My solemn promise, and the commitment of this site. Starting to day that mission continues.

VIVA LA DOUCHE!

25

01 2013

Adrian Peterson is a Slave to the Goose

I admittedly don’t know much about indentured servantry, but considering Adrian Peterson makes $10.27 Mil a year I’m going out on a limb and saying by comparing himself to one he’s either the highest paid slave in history or the biggest douche. And considering the above ad he’s in fact a Goose Douche – joining a proud cadre of Ed Hardy wearing bottle chuggers with no problems trivializing a terrible era in world history by comparing it to a fight between millionaires and billionaires.  Maybe teammate Greg Camarillo (who’s Jewish) can compare the owners to Nazis? Or Troy Polamau could compare his plight to King Hippo and the travesty of Mario holding his people down.

15

03 2011

The Goose Douche Does It No Hands

Judging by the bad facial hair and T-shirt that will be drenched in fat dude sweat within the next hour I think Jobba here can pour goose down his throat by himself. But his friend appears all too eager to do it for him. Some would say having another man jamming a bottle in your mouth is normal and completely masculine. I’m not one of those people.

15

03 2011

The Goose Douche is Totally Crossed Out


I don’t know mysterious reader EmptyG’s true identity, but when it comes to tracking down the Goose Douche this dude has the deductive powers of both Hardy Boys duct taped together into some kind of uber detective. Photos like this are what got me into the GD game in the first place. Notice the bottle reads backwards? I can only assume it’s because these douche canoes took the picture in a mirror. Also, nice touche with the sepia tone. Classy. Point is this wasn’t like a random, spontaneous, mistake – they meant to look this douchey.

08

03 2011

What’s Up W/ the Chug? SRSLY

I’ve touched on this before, but what is the deal with people taking the Goose to the face? There’s no other bottle that causes drinkers to instinctively throat it on camera. The Goose Douche loves that shit.

But here’s the real mind fuck…go online and do a Google Image search for “vodka chug”, and take note of the direction the bottle is facing in the pictures. A good mix of left to right, right to left, straight on – sort of what you’d expect from a bunch of idiots that are using their faces as a human funnels. Now try searching “Grey Goose chug.” Notice 90% of the bottles are going left to right. OMMFG WTF. The Goose Douche can’t chug right! I guess they’re not ambichuggers?

01

03 2011

Charlie Sheen a Goose Douche?


Wrong! He’s actually a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars who is on a drug called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. But those certainly look like bottles of the Goose in the back right of the little bar? But he probably just uses them to watch porn stars bottle squat and such being that he has tiger blood and Adonis DNA. That dude know how to party or what????

28

02 2011

Douches With a Goose – SRSLY

I slacked on the posting today so I’ll leave you this weekend with an actual gray goose – with an a not an e and no capitalization because I’m talking about a mother fucking bird PLAYA!. These mother fuckers are so god damn pimp that they have a mother fucking stuffed goose! Pass my boys a SHOT! HOLLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!

25

02 2011